Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
