Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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