This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
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Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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