I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
