I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
