I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize