Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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