Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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