im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
