I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
