Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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