Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i think i just lost a toe
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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