you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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