We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
cat food counts as protein by the way
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
