Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize