I hate your face
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we made out on top of his cat.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
