The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
