i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I party with great urgency now.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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