im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
