I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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