She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
