the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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