if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
