On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
