The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
