o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
