She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
