Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
