she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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