I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
