Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
