I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
