NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
