I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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