I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
