The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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