just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
