Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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