i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
