id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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