from now on my penis is your penis
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
