I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
