there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
