We're like a lot better than the average bears
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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