what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
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i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
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i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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