Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Nicole vs. Life
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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