i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
