you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
