I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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