..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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