he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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