I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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