so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
