In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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