If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
