At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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