to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
And then my night got REAL pukey
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
