have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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