drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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