dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
