That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize