i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
