It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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