The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
