Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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