nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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