You made me cry and you don't even care
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
