If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
